I find myself at a point of major transition. The way I have supported myself for over a decade is about to change dramatically. I’ll be the first one to admit, my faith is being tested and my calling, questioned. First, let me state that I have no doubt I am called to be a minister of the Gospel. I also have no question that I am called to help the Church of Jesus Christ to embrace creativity and empower the people to use their creative gifts to serve the Lord, both in the Church and in the marketplace. I do not waver on either of these things. The question is in how does that manifest?
Should I attempt to do this while pastoring a local church while continuing to minister in other churches as the schedule allows? Should I press harder into being an itinerant minister, doing AMOKArts full time? Is the answer somewhere in the middle, or something completely different? I don’t know and not knowing can be tough. What do you do when you find yourself knowing God can and living with the uncertainty of what He will do?
The thing I know is to trust. Even though I don’t know what He will do or the direction He will take, what I do know is He is good and He has me in His hand. Secondly, while I don’t know the whole journey, I can see enough to take the next step and try to be faithful with every opportunity.
The big struggle for me rests in what to do. I desperately want to stay in the center of God’s will and not make a reactive move that sets me back in the journey. I want to keep moving forward in faith. My prayer is that God will open the right doors and that I will walk through them in faith. I also pray He will close, lock and bar the wrong ones (because I can be bullheaded). In those moments when faith is weak, I want to press in and draw close to Him, not do what I instinctively tend to do, which is try to take control of the situation. I don’t want to be that double minded guy tossed back and forth by the waves, but my confession is that guy is closer than I’d like to admit sometimes.
I know I can’t be the only one who experiences life like this. I’d appreciate your prayers and know that you are in mine.