Okay I have to admit something here… I sometimes watch Big Brother. It’s that CBS reality show where people compete, while living together all summer long locked away from the outside world. I think it’s just interesting to me how much introducing a large sum of money into a group of people ruins community. Nonetheless, if you watch you need to know I am rooting for James. James is a returning player from a previous season and a hugely likable guy. He is Asian but when he speaks he has a strong southern drawl. He’s a corrections officer in real life but on the show he’s this sort of lovable prankster who is usually a pretty straight shooter, but the other day though I saw him sort of go out of character.
You see this year he’s in what they call a “show-mance” (show+romance=showmance, for the uninitiated) with Natalie. Natalie is a former NFL cheerleader and seems like another genuinely nice person. She seems to be genuinely falling for him and vice versa. Now if I was their pastor I might change some of their behaviors (“leave some room for the Holy Spirit guys” lol) but over all, I am rooting for them, but the other night… James and Natalie were on the chopping block together meaning one of them would be voted off the show and would lose their chance at $500,000. As a result they were tense. Someone told James, Natalie tried to throw him under the bus and he lost it. All of the sudden he thought she was just using him, he started to wonder if she was really interested in one of the other “more classically handsome” guys. It all got pretty hurtful and I felt badly for the both of them.
About now, 293 words in, you might be wondering why I am sharing this story. Well, the truth is James was suffering from something that destroys a lot of creatives. Insecurity. He had a good thing going, but when the pressure was on, he started to doubt. It looked like he doubted Natalie, but in truth he was doubting himself, or at least that’s how it seemed—like he looked at her, looked at himself, started to comparing himself to the other guys and felt there was no way any of this was real.
We all do this don’t we. Rather than revel in our gifts and enjoy all the great stuff they can bring us, we start to look at everyone else and decide we just don’t measure up. When that happens all the joy goes away and it stinks. If we’re not careful, in a place of insecurity, we’ll react badly, get discouraged, give up and in the process mess up something good. Please don’t fall for it. You have no reason to be insecure at least as it pertains to your work.
Here’s how it is. You’re not the best in the world at what you do. You’re not. Neither am I. There will always be someone to compare yourself to and feel insecure. Compounding this, not everyone will like your work. This is also a fact of life and it brings you to a choice. You can either create work that pleases you and God and share it with the world, realizing it won’t hit with everyone, or you can be insecure hold your work close to the vest and not please anyone. I’d rather do the former. I would rather find the people who love my work than chase the ones who don’t. I believe in working to be the best I can be, but why should I change what God has given to please people I wasn’t called to bless? I’d rather be me.
If course in order to do that, I can’t allow myself to be insecure.
Oh and one more thing, James, if you get to jury house, or when you win, tell Natalie you’re sorry. She likes you, ya big dope.