The other day I heard this wonderful song from Casting Crowns and thought I have to share this. The song is not new to me, it just had been out of sight, out of mind for a while. To me this song represents where I find myself a lot of the time and I’m guessing you probably do too. We’re better than we were, but nowhere near where we want to be.
The most telling line in the whole song is a line that asks God a painfully poignant question. Just how close can I get Lord, to my surrender, without losing all control. Isn’t that really where we’re at? We want to surrender all, we really do, but we fear what will happen if we give Him control. The truth is control for us is an illusion. Surrendering all to God is the wisest thing we can do, and we know it. but for some reason it’s really hard to do it. There are things we want to control.
I remember a time in my life when I had a life threatening illness. In the midst of that, my heart and mind were drawn to my youngest son, ten years old at the time. My oldest was a grown man by this point. He’d be okay, but my youngest, he was still a little boy. “If I die, what will happen to him?” “Who will raise him?” Everything I thought I controlled was in question. I felt God in my Spirit reminded me that He loves my son more than I do. I wanted so bad to control that outcome, but I couldn’t. I needed to trust him and everyone else I love to the One who loves them more and I still do. How close can I get? As long as I am holding onto control I am not fully surrendered and fully surrendered is where I need to be.
Until I get there, I’ll be caught in the middle. This song will challenge you. Listen to it and ask God to show you the areas you’re still trying to control.